Neighbors

I live in an apartment complex. The only people I knew enough to say hi to were the kids upstairs. They're maybe a little younger than I am, with a big ol' German Shepherd named Teddy and a baby (maybe a year or so old). We never exchanged names, but they recognize us, smile and say hi, and we ask about each others' dogs.

They moved. I now know none of my neighbors at all. Honestly, I don't really want to. Some of them are quiet and fairly nice, but they don't seem to speak English. The rest of them are all pretty obnoxious. The adults yell and carry on, they drink and play loud music, and if they're feeling really froggy, they'll pass out on the grass somewhere. The children run around and scream, they throw things everywhere. They'll go upstairs and throw food, drink, and balloons full of crap over. It's disgusting. They'll charge at Joey (Bag o' Donuts, my dog) and sometimes throw balls at him. We see them climbing over cars and climbing into what we hope are their families' cars. I've found smudgy foot- and hand-prints on my windshield, but I've never caught them in the act. The other day, Ben (fiance) found that some mysterious agency had drawn stripes on his bumper in crayon (probably). He went to the complex manager about it, and he says she's livid. She knew exactly which families he was talking about. Maintenance actually had to shampoo the carpets in the foyer (yes, they carpeted the foyers of the buildings. Open to the elements, kind of an idiot decision, but whatever) to get rid of the crap thrown down.

Let's hope that'll stop.

Let's also hope that someone awesome moves in upstairs. Maybe even someone whose name I can learn! I miss knowing my neighbors (although I still know some of Mom's neighbors ^_^).

Fear and Self-Loathing in Cary

Did you ever do something so stupid you immediately hated yourself, but you couldn't fix it? I just did.

I had a fight with my best friend. Through text messages. First of all, that makes me about 12, so ha-ha, I know. Second, we've been friends for 11 damn years. I'm closer to her than I am to my sister, and she genuinely makes me try to be better. She's prettier than I am, she's nicer than I am, she's calmer than I am, and she's always been better at the job we both do. She's always seemed really, truly happy, too. I'm still crying right now, so I'm not thinking entirely straight, but I'm positive it was my fault. It always is.

I can't fix it right now, though.

We're both so angry and upset that anything I say will make it worse. I hate myself so much right now. I hope that a few days of cooling off and thinking clearly will help, but I don't know. She's never been so mad at me (that I know of). I need to think about what happened, so I know how to try to make it up.

And no, this isn't an olive branch to her or a cry for help. I never told her I made this, so I doubt she knows, and I'd bet money she doesn't read it if she does. And a cry for help? Please. I'm a grown-up, and I did something stupid. I need to think about what I did and take care of it myself.

I've been a kid my whole damn life, and I need to grow the hell up.

Game Night

At least once a week--generally on a Friday--friends gather at our apartment for Game Night. It's the same as Game Nights the world over. We drink, laugh, play video games, and pull out World of Darkness and Dungeons & Dragons. I'm just learning the D&D system, still working out the kinks. The more familiar I am with it, the more I like it, but I still long for a good Demon. I think that as far as D&D goes, I'm better off with a "doing" class, rather than a "casting" class. I don't think those are real labels, they just make sense in my head. The system's so widespread, with so many books, that I have no idea what spells I even have access to, let alone what might be effective against Mob A. It's probably mostly a practice thing, I did much better this time than last.

I don't know.

Several other things happen every Game Night. Bryan takes his shirt off (it gets warm in a small apartment with a bunch of people). Bryan sprawls on the floor and talks to the cat. Dan ignores us for Mario. I come close to falling asleep at one point or another. Ben goes to bed early.

I don't know. I'm loving the ritual of it all. If only I had enough time at home before everyone shows up to bake something. I need a better work schedule. Hell, I baked more when Ben was going off to Game Night and I was at work all evening, I think. Hmmm. Something to think about, puzzle over.




On an unrelated note, I'm done with the heel and gusset on the first of a pair of socks. Fishnet Anklets, and I'm very excited. I muffed the pattern up a bit right above the heel, but I don't think it's too noticeable.

The mechanics of it all

So, how does it all work? This blogging thing. Do I come up with cute nicknames for everyone, a la Auntie Di? How do I do things with Blogger? Who reads these? On Facebook, I censor my posts to avoid corrupting my young cousins. Do I do that here? If so, how? If, say, I want to post something we came up with during Game Night, it would probably be profane and on a questionable subject. It would still be interesting, though. What about things that are just plain gross? Seriously, I need some guidance on blogging etiquette.

Beginning

The title may be confusing. I wouldn't consider myself the black sheep of the family by any means. I get along well, and I feel like I fit in with everyone. I do feel like I gave up on my potential some time ago. When I was in high school, I saw myself getting my bachelor's in 4 years or less, moving on to a master's, and starting a teaching career before I was 30. I'm 24 now, and the most I could claim would maybe be an associate's, if I looked through my course credits and actually did something with them.

Let's start again.

I'm 24 years old, and I'm lost. I'm one of four kids (older middle), and I basically grew up in Cary, NC. Military bases before age 7 have almost faded from memory; this is my hometown. My older sister is an English teacher in South Korea (kindergarten at a private school, from what I understand). My younger brothers are a soldier and a marine, in order. The soldier just got to Afghanistan within the last few days, and the marine will be a fully-fledged Korean linguist this fall. My mother is incredible. I tell everyone I know that I pretty much have the coolest mom ever. She's a nurse practitioner (Go, Mom!) for the VA, and she constantly makes me want better for myself. I like to say that I sprang fully-formed from my mother's forehead; that's probably all you'll ever hear on the subject of the other parent. Or not. We are the sum of our parents, I suppose. I'm engaged to the most wonderful fellow, and we have two cats and a dog together. I see friends frequently. I work in retail, twice over. I work at a grocery store once a week, or so, and at a drug store full time.

I have a fabulous extended family. On my mom's side, I have my grandparents, 3 aunts, an uncle, and 8 cousins. That doesn't even start on spouses and the further-extended relatives. On the other, I have an aunt and uncle and two cousins, but I haven't seen/heard from them since I was little. They are all wonderful, and I learn things every time I so much as think of them.

I started this because I miss writing, and everyone else seems to have a blog. I think it'll help me get things out of my head and exercise my brain. I think I'm not as smart now as I was 5 years ago. I've lost my mental sharpness, and a lot of the knowledge I had.

Bam.